


Heaven is a place I know when I'm with you

by pancakestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s15e20 Carry On Coda, I Tried, Love Confessions, M/M, One Shot, i dont know, jumping on the bandwagon to make myself feel better about that dumpster fire of a finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancakestiel/pseuds/pancakestiel
Summary: Post 15x20 - Dean is back on the road in heaven this time. But where does this road lead to?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Heaven is a place I know when I'm with you

_ So I guess the question is: what are you gonna do now, Dean?  _

The words echo in his mind still even after driving for what feels like hours. Really, what is he going to do? What is there to do? After a lifetime of being dragged from one town to another, from one  _ universe  _ to another, what is he supposed to do now that he’s got all this? What even is heaven? What has become of it? What does it all mean? 

So many questions and no clue what to do about them as they rattle inside his skull like pennies in a half empty piggy bank. Instead of dwelling on them, he focuses on the one thing that feels familiar. Maybe that’s all there is to it now. No more hunts. No more worries. No more pain. No more fear. Just a man, his car and the open road. 

The road, however eternal, comes to a stop eventually. He swears he can see the Roadhouse in the rear view mirror. Heaven is supposed to be endless, isn’t it? So why has the road brought him here?

The car door creaks as it opens before Dean steps out of the vehicle. He turns to look around and there it is. His apparent destination. It’s a house, not a very big one, but it appears well looked after judging by the roses in full bloom right beside the front door. Curious, Dean walks towards it and once he has knocked he freezes on the spot.

“Come in!” he hears and that voice has him holding his breath. The voice he would recognise anywhere.

Dean pushes the door open easily and steps inside. There’s nothing particularly outstanding about the inside of the house but he instantly feels warm. Home. There’s no other way to describe it. 

His feet, as if involuntarily, take him further inside towards the living room where Dean sees him with a spray bottle in his hand, hunched over a big potted plant with deep green leaves sprouting in every direction. Across from him, Jack watches the plant like it’s the most fascinating thing he has ever seen.

“Cas,” he breathes.

  
  
Castiel’s hand stops mid spray. He looks over, clearly surprised.

“Dean? How-.. “

Jack looks between them and raises a hand in his signature greeting.

“Hello,” he says. “I’m glad you made it, Dean. I’ll leave you two to talk.”

With that Jack disappears. Castiel stares.

“Why are you here?”

Dean offers a grin. “Oh, you know, just passing through since I’m dead as a doornail now.”

He stops for half a second, realising, and bursts out laughing to which Castiel responds by looking even more lost. Dean waves a hand.

“Long story. So, uh. You playing house now? Bobby said you were helping Jack run this place.”

Castiel offers a small smile.

“I was, yes. But not in the way you think. This.. This is my heaven too.”

“What does that mean? Angel’s aren’t supposed to-...”

Castiel’s smile turns a little sad.

“I’m not an angel. Not anymore. Jack.. He rescued me from the empty but my deal was final. It took some negotiation and, well… The empty kept my grace. Jack granted me a spot in heaven with the rest of humans.”   
  


Dean is about to open his mouth but Castiel continues. 

“The connection with my grace has been completely severed. I miss it, as much as you can miss something that’s no longer a part of you. It’s like a phantom limb although it doesn’t cause me any discomfort. It’s.. an odd feeling,” he explains.

Then he stops to actually look at Dean for the first time since he entered the room. He frowns and Dean feels like Cas is looking right through him. 

“What happened to you?”

All Dean can do is offer a sheepish smile to try and cover up how guilty he suddenly feels. What can he say to make it okay, really? Castiel gave up his life only for Dean to end up dead anyway. Failed that one too, right on brand. 

“I, uh. Dead as a doornail. Like I said.”

Castiel’s frown deepens. 

“Dean.” His tone is different. Almost threatening.

“Hey, come on. I didn’t do it on purpose. It wasn’t exactly fun,” he replies. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

Dean blinks.

“I’m the one who should apologise. You gave me a chance and I lost.”

Castiel shakes his head.

“I don’t regret what I did. For you I’d do it a million times again. Besides, Jack tells me you won. It’s the reason why I’m here. Why we’re all here. We’re at peace because you won.”

“Yeah, maybe..” Dean trails off, clearly not completely sold on it.

“Perhaps, I could talk to Jack. He could take you back to-”

Dean frowns and holds up a hand to stop him.

“Will you be coming too? Why didn’t he bring you back to us?”

“I.. Is it not clear? I chose this, Dean. I chose to stay here. Earth is not the right place for me anymore. You could go back. I’m sure Jack can return you safely.”

He searches Dean’s face for understanding and Dean feels like Cas is looking right into the core of his soul again. Dean dives for scraps of courage deep within himself as he does so.

“Nah, I think I’ll be staying here too.”

“Dean…”

“No. No, the war is over. Sammy will be fine. There’s nothing down there for me anymore,” he replies. “But up here… Everyone’s here. Bobby. Mom and dad. You.”

Castiel watches him, not quite catching on. Dean shrugs.

“So yeah, I’ll definitely be staying here. If you’ll have me,” he adds.

“Oh, Dean. You weren’t supposed to be here yet,” Castiel supplies.

“Yeah, well. Neither were you. What the hell happened, man?”

Castiel pauses. He looks sad again.

“I thought.. Well, after what I said to you I wasn’t sure how to face you. I don’t regret saying it at all because I meant every word but I just…. Well, I suppose I hadn’t prepared myself to face rejection.”

Dean sighs.

“Dumb son of a bitch.”   
  


Castiel looks almost offended.

“Dean-”

“Cas, I know I’ve done wrong by you so many times but you didn’t give me a chance. I didn’t even… I wasn’t sure you were capable of feeling like this. Let alone feeling like this about  _ me.  _ Talk about wasted potential, huh?”

Castiel visibly softens,

“Never. And I wasn’t, originally. When I said you’ve changed me, Dean, I meant it. You truly have, in so many ways.”

“You didn’t even give me a chance to respond. So much was happening and I just… And I tried. After? I tried. I prayed and I prayed but I guess you couldn’t hear me.”

“Dean, what are you-..”

Castiel is once again cut off as Dean shakes his head and steps forward to hug him tightly. Castiel hesitates only briefly before returning the embrace.

“Me too,” Dean whispers. “Me too, you hear me?” he continues, louder. Determined. “I wasn’t going to reject you. How could I? I’m so sorry it took me so long to admit it, even to myself. It’s just so.. It’s just so big, you know? I was scared. I guess.. I guess I’ve always been a coward.”

“No.” Dean feels Castiel shake his head against his shoulder. “No. You’re not a coward, Dean. You’re the bravest man I know.”

Dean exhales.

“I did tell you once that we’re better together, didn’t I?” he mumbles, more to himself than anything.

Dean then pulls back a beat before the hug threatens to get uncomfortable. He shifts his feet and offers a sheepish smile.

“So you, uh.. Need a roommate or something?”

Castiel watches him and Dean’s smile grows wider.

“Kinda too old to move back in with my parents so..” Dean shrugs. “What do you say, Cas?”

Castiel shakes his head and reaches for Dean’s hand, a genuine smile finally gracing his own lips.

“Welcome home, Dean. Let me show you around.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a strange time, watching the finale they gave us and the aftermath of it. Just thought I'd give this a shot. No matter how sloppy it was what matters is Dean is at peace now. I'll never forget what Dean and Castiel have given me over the years and I hope neither will you. Here's my take on their reunion. 
> 
> There will probably be typos. My apologies.


End file.
